Affirming Your Abilities

One major step in building your confidence is becoming aware of your potential for growth. The exercise of writing down your strengths was a good start and likely gave you an insight into your capabilities. Now you need to explore these capabilities a bit further.

Take another sheet of paper and write down everything you’ve ever attempted (not just succeeded at, but anything you’ve simply TRIED to do). Your list can include the obvious things like walking, cooking, driving, dancing, dating, eating, drinking, working, swimming, and so on. Also include the things you may have tried only once like skydiving, singing, marriage, business, and so on. 

After you’ve written down everything you can think of, look over your list and make a checkmark next to the things in which you’ve experienced success. Even if you were only slightly

successful at something, or you only tried it once and it wasn’t a complete disaster, check it. 

(NOTE: Did you know that one definition of success is “a favorable result”? That insight changes your perspective a little, doesn’t it? You’ve probably been successful more than you realized.) 

Now look at your list again. Are the majority of the items on the list checked? I bet they are. Why do you think that’s important? Because it means that simply TRYING something (once or more than once) will result in a certain measure of success. It means you’re not as stupid or ineffective as you may have thought. If you were even moderately successful at the items on your list, doesn’t it follow that you could be successful at other things too? When you really get this, it’s a HUGE insight.

Now – what if you only have a couple of items checked off, and the rest are unchecked? 

First, reconsider whether you are being too hard on yourself. Is your concept of success in balance? Success doesn’t have to mean perfection. If you were able to do well at something (even  slightly well), or receive any kind of favorable result from it - that is success!

Let’s expand a bit on what is meant by “favorable result”. This doesn’t have to be exclusive to external results. It can absolutely include favorable internal results. Here’s a good example of a favorable internal result: Let’s say you had to give a presentation at work and you were terrified of public speaking. You knew you couldn’t back out of giving the presentation, so you forced yourself to do it. Even if you completely bombed and the presentation was terrible, you would still probably feel a sense of pride that you did it at all! Facing a fear is absolutely a favorable result! 

Secondly, understand that the number of items checked off on your list doesn’t matter a bit. Even if you only have one item checked off, it still stands to reason that if you were successful at ONE THING, you can be successful at others.